I Don't Want To Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz

I Don't Want to Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz
Release Date: July 1st, 2006
Publisher: Push
Age Group: Young Adult
Pages: 280
Source: My library
Buy the Book: Amazon

Rating: 3/5

"The harrowing, remarkable true story of one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder.  When Samantha Schutz first left home for collage, she was excited by the possibilities - freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be.  At first, she reveled in the independence - but as pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated.  Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir."

This book chronicles the author's struggles with anxiety disorder during her collage years.  It is written in a poem format with short choppy thoughts.  

Samantha leaves her home for collage and is instantly plagued with anxiety attacks.  She lives in constant terror of when the next attack will come.  When they do come there is nothing she can do but hide in the bathroom and wait it out. They follow her all through her life.  They come with her to Europe and new jobs.

I think that this book portrays anxiety really well.  The fear of never knowing when the next one will be and how it will tear you apart is pictured well.  But the book never really grabbed me.  In fact I found it boring.  I do understand that it is a memoir and everything is true but I was really craving the main character to do something.  It just seemed that the same thing was always happening and Samantha never did anything.  Sure she went to psychiatrists and got medication but thats all she did.  I know there isn't much you can do in real life but it made a really boring story.

If you want to learn more about anxiety attacks, what causes them, and how they affect people, I would recommend this book.  But if your looking for a new book like Ellen Hopkin's I wouldn't look here.